


Inside My Head

by looniesnotcool



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han is a Panicked Gay, Hearing Voices, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Kissing, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, Lee Minho | Lee Know is a Confident Gay, Light Angst, M/M, Well duh, but hey minho is here to solve everything, jisung is low-key depressed, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/looniesnotcool/pseuds/looniesnotcool
Summary: “Please, tell me what’s wrong...” He insisted, seeking eye contact, but he didn’t receive it.“I said leave me alone! You don’t like me at all, so why do you keep insisting?!”
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Kudos: 117





	Inside My Head

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first serious work. Feel free to leave a comment if you liked it, or if you find there’s something wrong. I’ve just been so obsessed with Minsung analysis and moments recently, that I really wanted to write about those two, haha. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any grammar mistake!

When Jisung first met Minho, the first thought that came in his head upon seeing the elder was “Woah, he’s so good looking.” And he wasn’t wrong, Minho was a man with unarguably beautiful features. Jisung, being the introverted boy he was, stared at him in the distance for a good ten seconds, until the brunette noticed his presence. Minho titled his head slightly in confusion, and Jisung felt pretty uncomfortable with the elder’s gaze fixated on him. He felt vulnerable. He wasn’t nearly as beautiful as Minho, at least in his mind. He felt so small and pathetic confronted with him. He gulped, opening his mouth to speak but no sounds came out of his mouth.

_ You sure know how to approach another human being, Han Jisung. _

He gulped, eyes focused on the stranger, watching every his movement so he could have an idea of what was he thinking. Then he took a glance at the rest of the room. No one was inside. And it seemed like no one was planning to come inside for a while. 

_ Great. _

After another few seconds of awkward silence where they just kept staring at each other, Jisung nervous and a bit intimidated, and Minho mostly confused, the elder finally broke it. 

“Hello?” He said, although it sounded more like a question. He took a few steps forward. He stopped when two meters separated the two boys. Jisung flinched at the harmless word, slapping himself mentally immediately after. Maybe because he didn’t expect the other to break the silence so suddenly. He tried to answer with something that made sense as quickly as possible. 

“Hello! I’m Han Jisung, nice to meet you!” He bowed in front of the elder, and he was proud of himself for saying that sentence naturally, as if he wasn’t panicking the first second he saw him.

“Nice to meet you too Han Jisung, I’m Lee Minho.” 

Lee Minho.. such a nice name, Jisung thought. He didn’t know what was so special in it, it was just a name like any other, then why did he find it so beautiful? Maybe because the person in front of him was absolutely breathtaking?

_Stop it Jisung. He could be an asshole for all you know._

*

Jisung soon found out Minho was a new trainee at JYP. 

He didn’t smile like an idiot for a good ten minutes after finding out, no, absolutely not.

He did know he wasn’t acting normal. There was something wrong with him, but he could understand what. He just knew that every time he saw Minho, he could feel his heart start beating so fast, his hands get sweaty, and blood rush to his cheeks making them look red. 

The day after he met him, Minho already seemed much more relaxed around him, and he stopped using honorifics, almost as Jisung was a friend he knew for years. Jisung didn’t mind, he admired the confidence of the elder, that seemed so comfortable with him after just one day. 

They started training together.

Minho was the best dancer among the trainees, amazing everyone with his skills, Jisung too. And he was so humble too. He never bragged about his talent in dancing. When someone complimented him about it he simply said a “thanks”, although the smile that appeared on his face showed he was really really grateful. Minho was a backup dancer for the biggest sensation of K-Pop, BTS, but after seeing how the main group shined, he wanted to become an idol. Shine like them. Dance, sing, rap, and travel around the world, performing and making music his fans would enjoy. That became his dream, and he was determined to make it come true.

Jisung started writing songs at a really young age. His style of producing was an extremely intimate one, he poured his deepest feelings in his lyrics. Being a person who’d rather die than open up to someone about his struggles, producing songs was his only way to let out feelings he wasn’t willing to tell anyone. Needless to say, he was an amazing rapper, his vocals were no joke and he was good at dancing too, although it wasn’t his strong point.

Minho and Jisung were a perfect match. They were so different, maybe that’s why they completed each other so well, like pieces of a puzzle. If one lacked something, the other had it and could help him improve. Minho would often stay in the practice room to help Jisung with the moves that he couldn’t seem to do well. And Jisung would often invite Minho to his little studio where he produced his songs, helping him to improve his vocal and rap skills.

They got closer soon.

It took a while but Jisung finally felt comfortable around Minho. He looked up to the elder a lot. Minho looked up to the younger too. They admired and respected each other. Minho loved skinship (especially with a certain Han Jisung) and would often playfully hit or kick the poor rapper, and then hug him and pull him closer, wrapping his arms and legs around him like a koala.

Jisung would never admit it, but he loved it so much.

“We will debut together, right Minho hyung?”

“Of course Jisung-ah, I promise you.”

*

JYP announced they would form a new boy group through a survival show, where the ones who were considered not ready to debut yet would be eliminated. The nine boys (Woojin, Bang Chan, Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin) all promised to each other they would debut together. Even though there were surely different minds, and therefore opinions in the group, they were all brought together by their love for music, and no one wanted to debut without the others. Nine or None.

Unfortunately, in the fifth episode it was time for the first goodbye.

Jisung’s heart broke when he found out, the one eliminated was Minho.

He rarely cried in front of the other members, but this time he couldn’t help the tears that came out of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, and the quiet sobs he’d occasionally let out. He was currently in Felix’s arms, every attempt at trying to stop his tears failed, and he couldn’t do anything but cry more in his dongsaeng’s embrace. Felix tried to comfort him, but he couldn’t do much when he was a sobbing mess too.

“That idiot, he promised- he promised we’d debut together..” Jisung said in between sobs, although he wasn’t mad at Minho at all. He was mad at himself.

_ You could have done more. He helped you improve in dancing so much. He helped you become more confident and okay with yourself. Why didn’t you help him more? Maybe you could have prevented this. _

“I’m so sorry hyung..” He continued, even though Minho couldn’t hear him, because he wasn’t there with him anymore. The playful fights, the warm hugs, the night spent in the studio discussing music together, all gone. He buried his face in Felix’s chest, staining the younger’s sweater with tears but they honestly couldn’t care less.

“It hurts.” Jisung quietly said, so quiet it was just above a whisper. Felix nodded, running his fingers through his hyung’s hair, in an attempt to calm him down a little. Everyone in the group knew Minho and Jisung were really close, and the younger was probably the one that got hurt the most.

“Felix, Jisung, Minho left a video for us!” Chan called the two boys. Felix smiled at Jisung reassuringly, wiping away his tears. 

“Don’t be sad hyung, everything will be fine. I promise.” Felix told him, thinking about the words carefully in order not to make grammar mistakes. Jisung let out a sound that sounded like a giggle and a cry at the same time. “Hey, you can talk comfortably around me. It’s okay if you don’t know fluent Korean, you’ll learn soon.” Felix smiled in response, helping Jisung up and walking to the others together.

Noticing the camera in front of the others, Jisung took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He didn’t want fans to notice how he felt. He wanted to show them only the best side of him. He sat down with an extraordinary calmness, the others were actually surprised at how okay he seemed.

“Everything okay?” Seungmin quietly whispered to him. Jisung only nodded in response.

“Okay, everyone ready?” Chan asked the others, and they all replied with “yes” and nods. Chan then clicked on the video showed on the screen. It displayed a smiling Minho despite everything. “How could he find the strength to smile after what happened? After his dream has been broken?” Jisung thought. He really admired him.

“I’m eliminated.. you know?” Minho said in a somehow awkward voice, his smile dying down a little. Jisung was about to cry just from hearing his voice again, but he held back his tears.

_ Han Jisung, you’re being too emotional. You’re weak. _

His eyes were glued to the screen, paying attention to every word Minho said, observing every his little movement. After a year of seeing the elder every day, Jisung could tell what his mouth wouldn’t say by reading his body language. By the way his eyes weren’t always staring right into the camera but occasionally glancing down, he could tell Minho was almost ashamed, disappointed in himself. He could tell he was faking that smile. He could tell he was trying to stay strong for the boys.

“Really, you all helped me a lot but... I couldn’t improve as much as you.” Minho closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. 

“Hyung is sorry, hyung couldn’t do well.” He said. “Why is he apologizing? I should’ve been the one helping him more..” Jisung thought. He felt so guilty. Minho’s sentences moved everyone’s hearts, he also left messages for every member. Soon the turn of Jisung’s one arrived, and he was gripping tightly onto Seungmin’s hand, comforting the younger one that was already in tears.

“Jisung, when PD-nim told me to rap and you held my hand the entire time, I still remember it.” Jisung remembered it too. That day PD-nim came to check how the training was going and asked everyone in the room to show their abilities in rap, sing, and dance. Minho looked extremely nervous, but Jisung had reassured him everything would be fine and helped him by holding his hand tightly the entire time, not letting go until he had finished rapping the last verse.

“Because of it, I did very well back then... next time I’ll do my rap wrong, will it be because you weren’t there to hold my hand?” At these words, Jisung couldn’t do it anymore. He burst in tears, turning around so the camera wouldn’t have recorded him crying clearly. Seungmin patted his back, but he was crying too. Everyone was destroyed by the realization they wouldn’t have debuted all together.

Chan, as the leader, tried to keep it cool to reassure the other members, but his heart clenched when he saw Jisung burst in tears. He looked at the others, they were all crying or trying not to. But they didn’t have any choice but to keep going in 8.

*

And just as they thought it was going to get a little better, a second person was eliminated.

Felix, for his poor Korean.

When PD-nim announced Felix’s elimination, the Australian boy accepted with a painful smile, but soon the tears were rolling down his cheeks. Jisung ran to him and pulled him into a tight hug. “Please don’t leave...” He whispered in between sobs. “I’m sorry.”

Jisung cried and cried in Felix’s embrace, just like he did that day when Minho was eliminated. He reluctantly pulled away, sniffing a bit. Felix hated to see his hyung in tears. But Jisung had reached his lowest point. It took him all of the strength left in his body to turn around. If he was mad with himself before, now he absolutely hated himself. Not only because he felt like he could have prevented all of this, but also because he didn’t like to show his weaknesses in front of the others. Jisung hated crying. He didn’t want to reach out for help. He knew he needed it, but he didn’t want to involve other people in his problems. And now, he was crying in front of everyone, and hating every second of it. Felix walked away with Chan, the two Aussies probably wanted to talk. Then silence fell in the room.

*

Jisung tried to fight against sadness by working harder. Almost like he wanted to prove to Minho and Felix he could still do it. Prove to them that their elimination didn’t affect him that much.

And by working harder, I meant locking himself in the studio for an unhealthy amount of hours. The only times he’d come out was when he needed to go to the bathroom or for dance practice. He slept in the studio. He ate in the studio. Or, he snacked, because he couldn’t remember the last time he ate a proper meal. 

Everyone else saw Jisung’s state, as much as he insisted he was fine.

“Hey, how are you?” Changbin asked him before dance practice started.

“I’m fine.” Jisung lied, he was so good at that. But Changbin could see right through him. Maybe it was because of his pale skin, his thinner frame, the bags under his eyes, or his tired voice.

“Hey, I know it’s hard, but we’re going to debut soon. You shouldn’t be overworking. How many hours did you sleep?” Changbin asked, genuinely concerned.

“Eight..” Jisung lied again, avoiding eye contact. Changbin pulled his chin up.

“Tell me the truth.”

Jisung looked ashamed. “Like- two I guess...” Changbin opened his mouth to say something else but Jisung cut him off. “Hyung, I’m fine. Really.” Before the elder could reply, he was already walking away.

They started dancing.

Dancing without Minho was a whole completely thing. Everyone felt that something, someone was missing. Minho would always offer help when someone couldn’t get a move right, and would often stay even after practice ended, just to make sure they would do it correctly. Jisung missed Minho standing in front of him, moving his arms and legs while giggling and explaining to him how to do the choreography correctly. And in general, Minho and Felix’s presence made the mood lighter, and happy, they’d often tease each other and laugh together when they were there. Now, even if there were seven people in the room, it felt so empty.

Jisung danced at his hardest, trying to perform every move correctly and passionately. He ignored his aching joints, his shaky breaths, his exhausted body. He kept going, Changbin often glancing at him with a worried look. The others had noticed now hard Jisung was working and at this rate, they were afraid something bad would happen to him. Unlike Jisung, the maknae, Jeongin, lacked the usual energy he had and was not focusing at all, as much as he tried to.

“Jeongin? Are you okay? You don’t usually mess up choreographies...” Chan said to him during the break.

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just that-

“JISUNG!” A loud thump followed by Hyunjin’s scream cut Jeongin off. Everyone quickly turned around Hyunjin and saw him shaking the body of a Jisung on the floor. He was trying desperately to wake him up, sobbing and crying, but it was useless. The younger was still on the floor, with closed eyes and a peaceful expression.

“What happened?!” Woojin yelled, visibly worried. Hyunjin took a while to answer the question, mostly because he had choked on a sob and he started coughing.

“He- He fell on the floor and hit his head, I think he fainted.” He managed to say in the end. Everyone knew Jisung worked too hard, and his body probably passed out due to exhaustion. Jeongin burst in tears, excusing himself to the bathroom. Chan immediately ran to Jisung.

“Okay, his breathing is steady..” He said, as if it could relieve the others a bit, but it didn’t.

“You need to bring him to the hospital.” Chan said, as the leader, he had to keep calm and trying not to send in a panic the other members too. “Okay, I’m staying here with Jeongin. I also need to talk with PD-nim and it’s about an extremely important thing that may help Jisung recover.” The others nodded in understanding, Seungmin and Woojin carrying Jisung to the car and behind them Changbin, trying to comfort a crying Hyunjin.

After they went away Chan ran to the bathroom and heard rain sounds of sobs. He gently knocked on one of the bathroom’s stalls. “Jeongin—

“No! Please Chan hyung don’t try to help me. I’m begging you. I can do this on my own.” Jeongin cut him off abruptly. Chan stayed in front of the stall for a while, but then slowly walked away, leaving Jeongin and himself alone with their thoughts. Chan sat on the floor of the practice room alone, thinking. He remembered dance practices with Minho and Felix. Those two were so full of energy and would always lighten up the mood. And not only when they were dancing, but also when they would go to the studio to record a new song, or during photo shoots. And when they were in the dorms, playing games or trying to cook (failing most of the times). He realized Stray Kids weren’t the same without them. And at this rate, something bad could happen. No, something bad already happened.

He knew what to do.

*

Jisung opened one of his eyes, then the other one. He was on a white bed in a clean white room, with white walls, a white ceiling, and a white floor. He figured out he was in a hospital. A familiar voice suddenly brought him back to reality.

“Yah, I can’t leave you a few days alone and you’re already fainting.”

Jisung, at the way too familiar voice, quickly turned around and saw a brunette sitting on a chair next to his bed. He felt like it was way too good to be true.

“M-Minho?!”

The younger suddenly sat up and hugged his hyung tightly, it was real. He was real. It was really happening. Oh my god, this was so real.

“I missed you, you squirrel. Next time try not to pass out on the dance room floor.” He playfully hit Jisung on the shoulder. Sometimes the younger thought Minho was like a tsundere. Despite the playful things he said, it was obvious he had cried a lot. Minho wrapped his arms around Jisung’s body so tightly, like there was no tomorrow.

Jisung liked this sweet and clingy side of Minho. It made him feel loved.

“I’m here now.” Jisung whispered to him, hiding his face in the crook of Minho’s neck. Minho ruffled his hair, running his fingers through it.

“I’m here too, and this time I won’t leave.” Before Jisung could even process what the elder said there were interrupted by another voice suddenly speaking.

“Now I feel like I’m third-wheeling..” Another familiar voice said, and by its deepness he could tell who it belonged to without even turning around.

“Felix-?! Oh my god, I swear you two are going to make me have a heart attack-“ Jisung said while laughing and hugging the younger, wiping his happy tears away before anyone could notice them. This felt so unreal. Did he die, and now he was in heaven? Was it a dream? Maybe it was, and he didn’t want to wake up at all.

“We wouldn’t want that, you already passed out on the floor. By the way, you’re explaining to me the reason later.” Minho said the last part in a deeper and quieter voice, almost as if he was trying to hide his concern. Jisung remained frozen, debating whether he should or just don’t do anything, but then nodded slowly, deciding Minho deserved an explanation. 

“Anyways, why are you guys here?”

“Well, you were out for about two days, and PD-nim called us this morning because, well-“ Minho explained, a beautiful smile appearing on his face. Jisung couldn’t help but think it looked so good on him. His hyung was so beautiful when he smiled. The way his lips would curl up shyly at first, but then end up in a full smile, the way his eyes would close slightly, the way his shining white teeth poked out.

_ Jisung you’re a creep- _

“He told us he’d gave us a second chance!” Felix cut Minho off, with an even brighter smile. The boy hugged Jisung tightly, and the latter couldn’t believe it. Did that mean- seeing Minho and Felix again? Debut with them? Perform with them? Did that mean Minho would still be with him? Maybe, in the end, he did really keep that promise...

But why did PD-nim do that so suddenly? He sure was extremely happy, but a bit confused too. He suddenly glanced at the door, spotting Chan leaning on it with a small smile. His brain quickly connected the facts, and Chan mouthed a “thank me later”. Jisung smiled brightly to him, Felix was wrapped around him so he couldn’t move, otherwise he would have probably ran towards the leader and jumped on him, showering him with hugs and thank yous.

“Chan, you’re the best leader ever.”

*

Turns out Jisung didn’t have anything serious, just a little concussion and in two weeks he was already out of the hospital and beginning to work again, even though the others would always keep an eye on him, just to make sure he wasn’t overworking again. They didn’t want him in the hospital again.

The mood was definitely better now that Minho and Felix were back, the group was giving its best again, putting passion in everything again. Feeling more motivated than ever. Their debut was so close, and everyone was so excited at the idea. Especially Chan, who had trained for 7 years and saw countless trainee friends debut, always wondering when his turn would come. And he couldn’t believe it was so close now. Jeongin was back to normal too, always giving his 100% in every performance. The cute, hard-working maknae that would always cheer everyone up was back.

One night though, just a few days before their debut, Minho slowly walked to Jisung’s room. It was late, 3 am, so everyone else was asleep. He gently poked the younger to wake him up. He needed to ask him what had happened. He didn’t know why, but a part of him, no- his entire mind and body cared so deeply for Jisung and wanted to know more about him. Wanted to always be there for him. Wanted to be his safe place. Wanted to help him if he ever found himself dealing with difficult situations.

“Uh... Minho hyung? Why are you still awake?” Jisung asked in a raspy voice, not fully awake yet. 

“I need to talk to you. Can we go to the balcony?”

“Sure.” Jisung tried to stand up but then he fell back on the bed. “‘M too tireeeedddd!” He whined, already beginning to fall asleep again. Minho sighed and without saying anything he picked his body up and carried him to the balcony. Jisung let out a small scream in surprise, making Jeongin move in his sleep slightly, but fortunately, the maknae didn’t wake up. 

“Why- Why did you do that, hyung?!” Jisung half whispered half yelled, once they were alone on the balcony, sure that no one could hear them.

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it.” Minho smirked, and Jisung could already feel his cheeks heat up as he looked down, slightly ashamed of it. He wondered why was he blushing. He wondered why every word that Minho said would affect him so much even if it was something stupid.

_ What the fuck is wrong with you, Jisung? Blushing because of your bandmate? You’re so fucked up. _

He ignored the voice inside his head, but that thought remained. What the fuck was wrong with him? Before he could overthink any further Minho interrupted him.

“Everything okay, Sungie?” Sungie... he liked that nickname.

_ No, this messed up dumbass is in lov- _

“Y-Yeah...”

“You’re a bad liar.” Minho frowned slightly, feeling sad that Jisung had lied to him, but shrugged it off. “Anyways, I needed to ask you something. Why did you pass out that day?” Jisung was surprised that his hyung still remembered about the fact he’d ask him. He thought he had forgotten everything already since they didn’t bring it up in a while.

“Well..” The younger thought about him for a second, he wanted to tell the elder the truth, but on the other hand, he didn’t want him to blame himself for what happened. And what if he misunderstood his words? What if he thought-

“Well, the group wasn’t the same without you and Felix. Everyone was, really sad and we couldn’t feel the energy and passion in the air. I tried to fight against the sadness by working harder, I’d lock myself up in the studio for hours, and barely sleep, and yeah, stuff like that.” Jisung would rather die than tell him ‘I did that because I missed you a lot’. “So I was really exhausted, and I guess I passed out because of that.”

Minho’s stare softened, and he looked down. It was so quiet now, the soft and chill breeze making Jisung shudder quietly for a second. Was Minho sad? 

“Hyung, it wasn’t your fault okay? I’m okay, now that you’re here.” Jisung pulled the elder’s chin up, making eye contact. Minho looked back, at Jisung’s eyes, at Jisung’s face, at Jisung’s lips. He wanted to kiss the younger so badly. It was a sudden desire, but it was so strong. He got closer to Jisung’s face until they were only a few inches apart. He stared at him in the eyes, he knew this was so wrong, but it felt so right. Jisung’s scent was so intoxicating. He wanted, no he needed to kiss him.

Jisung wanted to kiss Minho too.

He almost closed his eyes in anticipation, but quickly kept them open at the sudden realization.

_ Seriously, Jisung? Kissing your bandmate? What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t be pathetic, he’ll never love you back in that way. You’re not worthy of him. _

He decided to hug him instead, a surprised and slightly disappointed expression appearing on the elder’s face, but he quickly regained himself and hugged him back. He looked down at Jisung, the younger boy quietly giggling and smiling softly. They were friends. They were bandmates. And they would debut soon. They couldn’t risk it with a relationship at that moment. And besides that, the fact Jisung hugged him just as Minho was about to connect their lips, made him think the younger probably didn’t love him back. He sighed, so quietly that Jisung didn’t even notice.

On the other hand, Jisung knew it was wrong to love Minho. Their relationship could’ve never worked in a country that encourages suggestive acts between two idols of the same sex, but was always against real homosexuality, even if the situation got slightly better recently this could cause a scandal. And after all the struggles and hard work of all the members, Jisung didn’t feel like risking it all. Besides, he wasn’t good enough for Minho. His hyung was just teasing him, making him flustered, something he loved doing. There was no way Lee Minho could love someone like him.

To Jisung’s surprise, they weren’t that awkward with each other after what happened on the balcony. They both acted like nothing weird happened. Minho was still the usual touchy hyung, who would either hug or hit Jisung 24/7. And when they debuted, they quickly became one of the most popular ships, making Jisung flustered and Minho amused. And the best thing was that, if their skinship became too much, they could always dismiss it as fanservice. No one really suspected anything, which was good. They couldn’t cause a scandal now that they just debuted, and were already gaining so much popularity.

Nothing too awkward happened for a while, if we don’t count the times were Minho would cling to Jisung and lean in, almost as if he wanted a kiss, being the “confident gay” he was. And the younger, obviously a “panicked gay”, usually reacted by panicking and avoiding the elder’s eyes, immediately turning away. Minho loved seeing Jisung like that. He thought he was cute, the way his cheek would become a light shade of red, the way he’d avoid looking at him in the eyes, the way he’d sometimes whisper “there’s a camera”.

As if Minho cared.

*

“You like me- but the way you like me is it like that way-?” 

“Hyung, what sort of way should I like you?”

“Haha, I don’t know...”

Minho didn’t know why did he ask Jisung that.

Sure, lots of fans shipped them, but it’s not like he really liked Jisung in that way, right? They were just really close friends. But Minho couldn’t take his eyes off the younger every time they were together. He liked every side of Jisung. His confident side, that would usually appear when they were on the stage, performing for Stays; his shy introvert side, that was his usual self; his funny side, and that cute laughter; and many many more.

Minho was starting to think if they could really be more. Maybe they could keep it a secret. He’d often daydream about him, but it would always end with the realization he didn’t really know if Jisung loved him back. But Minho was so full of hope.

Everything suddenly changed one day. Jisung was in his room, having a conversation with Changbin. “Binnie hyung is one of the most understanding hyungs!” Jisung often said. Minho could feel a little jealously every time he heard that, but on the other hand, it was true. Changbin was always there for everyone, and he often helped the younger ones, letting them vent and listening to their problems. Minho walked in front of Jisung’s room, and heard a few words that caught his attention.

“What about Minho? I’ve seen the way you look at each other.” That was definitely Changbin’s voice. Both Minho and Jisung were surprised at the fact Changbin didn’t show any concern or fear. He said it in a normal tone, almost as if he didn’t know that could cause a scandal and ruin both the group and the company.

“I-I don’t like him at all...” There was a long pause. Those words broke Minho’s heart and he could feel it dropping. Jisung was annoyed by him? Did he feel uncomfortable with Minho’s touchy personality? Or did he need space?

All the hopes of a future with Jisung were gone with only six words. He felt pathetic, for believing in something that was never meant to be. He was frustrated at himself. And if Jisung really didn’t like him, then he had to stop, as much as it hurt him. He walked away, with a shattered heart and confused thoughts in his head.

If only he stayed there for a few more seconds.

“He’s annoying… the way he makes me feel all shy and flustered annoys me because he knows I like it a bit too much. He’s too handsome. He’s too kind. He’s too funny. It annoys me because I can’t help staring at him. I can’t help but smile around him.”

“Jisungie-ah, you’re in love.”

*

“Can you please stop ignoring me? You know that if there’s something wrong you can tell me right?” Jisung said in a desperate tone. Minho had been avoiding him for the past week and acting really weird, and he felt so confused. It was so sudden, no explanation, no words.

Minho stared at him for a few seconds with an emotionless face, then he turned around and walked away. Jisung ran after him, then he went in front of him so he couldn’t escape. The younger was sad. He wanted the old Minho hyung back. The one that would often tease him. The one that would always hit him. The one who gave the warmest and most comforting hugs ever. The one he was comfortable with.

“Jisung-ah, leave me alone.” Jisung frowned. Minho didn’t call him Sungie. He knew he was probably just overthinking this, but he could tell there was something wrong. Was it his fault? Did he do something wrong without realizing it? He could feel a few tears forming but he ignored them. He couldn’t leave Minho alone, even if he tried to.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong...” He insisted, seeking eye contact, but he didn’t receive it.

“I said leave me alone! You don’t like me at all, so why do you keep insisting?!” Minho yelled in an angry and sad voice, then he pushed Jisung aside and walked away without even letting the younger speak. Jisung remained frozen in his spot, trying to process what Minho said. He wasn’t able to move, his hyung’s words still piercing through his heart. What happened to Minho? Where did it all go wrong? Was he the reason Minho was like that? Was he- the guilty one? 

_ He doesn’t like you, and honestly, no one does. Now stop crying like a bitch, you pathetic ass. _

Oh right, Jisung had started crying in the meanwhile. He quickly wiped the tears away, but they seemed endless. Sniffing slightly, he did the only thing he was capable of at that moment. He picked up his phone and dialed a number, waiting patiently for the person he called to pick up.

“Yes, Jisungie-ah?”

A good ten seconds had passed. Jisung took a long, shaky breath.

“Jisung? Everything okay?”

“C-Changbin hyung, please come pick me up.”

*

A few weeks passed, where Minho and Jisung didn’t talk to each other at all. Everyone in the group obviously noticed this, even most of the fans, but every time they were asked about the topic they’d both shrug it off, saying it wasn’t anything important. But secretly, they’d often glance at each other when no one was looking at them, only to pretend they were staring at something else when their eyes would meet. 

The make-up hid it so well, but Minho knew Jisung’s eyes were red and puffy. And it only got worse day after day. He just wanted to run to him, and pull him into the tightest hug but Jisung’s words played in his mind again, and he stayed in his place. The younger had eventually stopped insisting after about a week, finally getting that Minho maybe really didn’t want him around.

But this issue became too big, and the entire group’s chemistry was suffering because of it. Eventually, Chan, as the leader, was forced to intervene and confront them about the topic seriously. He asked Minho to talk in private for a few minutes, and he nodded, thinking it was something about their new comeback or stuff like that. They walked in the empty hallway, and after a few seconds of awkward silence Chan finally asked him about it.

“Did something happen with Jisung?”

“Oh no, not this again, please. We’re okay, I already told y’all!” Minho exclaimed, visibly frustrated and irritated, but this didn’t scare Chan at all. Instead, it only convinced him that something was wrong even further.

“Oh sure, you’re okay. You’ve been avoiding each other for like three weeks, and we can all see Jisung’s been crying a lot. You call that being okay?”

“Look, I’m not in the mood—

“Minho, please. Listen to me for a second. I’m not asking this only because I’m the leader of this group. I’m asking this because I care about you two as people. I consider you my little brothers. And it hurts me, seeing you two suffer because of each other. I just want you two to be okay. Please.”

Minho looked at Chan, sighing deeply. He slowly nodded, taking his time before starting to speak. 

“He doesn’t like me.”

“What-?! That can’t—

“I’ve heard him say that to Changbin.”

Before Chan could reply, another person walked towards them. Taking a glance behind, the two realized it was Changbin.

“Were you spying on us?”

“No, no-no. I was just walking by. But Minho, I’ll have to let you know that you misunderstood every single thing.” Changbin said in a rather calm voice, emphasizing the last three words. Minho looked visibly confused.

“He said he didn’t like you because he likes you too much. He spent hours talking about ‘how Minho-hyung is annoyingly perfect’.Minho, that boy is in love with you.”

“What?! That can’t be-“

“He is. When you pushed him that night, he felt absolutely broken. He called me at like 2 am asking me to pick him up. I let him sleep in my room, but I’m sure he didn’t close his eyes because I could hear him quietly sobbing once in a while. He told me things that he didn’t tell anyone, and he begged me not to tell you because he thought you hated him! He didn’t want to bother you!” Changbin pointed his finger at Minho.

He ran to Jisung’s studio.

*

“W-why are you here?”

“To fix everything.”

“Minho-ah, I don’t understand.”

“Let’s see if you understand now.” Minho pulled him into a kiss. Jisung’s eyes widened, his heart started beating so fast he thought it was gonna rip out his chest. Just as he was about to relax and kiss back, he heard it again.

_ Don’t. You’re a freak. _

Jisung quickly pulled away, keeping a certain distance from Minho. The elder looked hurt, and that sight made Jisung cry again for the 100th time that week.

“Why?”

“We can’t.”

“We can.”

“But I can’t.”

“Please tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“Sungie-ah, please. I love you.”

Jisung cried out at the words. Minho pulled him into a tight hug and gently stroked his head, patting his head too. The younger kept sniffing, sometimes choking on his own sobs, but eventually he let himself go. Minho’s presence was comforting, and it made him feel at home. Because Minho was his home. Minho was his solace. Minho was his everything.

“I- I hear voices inside my head...” To the younger’s surprise, Minho wasn’t shocked or surprised. He didn’t judge him at all.

“And what do they say?” He asked calmly, in an almost casual tone.

“Ugly things. But I can’t help but believe them. They’re the reason I didn’t kiss you back or try to insist more when you stopped talking to me.”

“Jisung, look at me.” Minho paused for a second, making sure they were making eye contact, then he intertwined their fingers together, and gently pressed his forehead against Jisung’s. “I promise nothing bad will happen. I love you for who you are, Han Jisung. I don’t care about those voices, I promise I’ll stick with you until the end. We’ll make it work, together. Alright?”

“But—“

“No buts.”

Jisung opened his mouth again, but Minho shut him up with a kiss. This time, he kissed back.


End file.
